The activity last week was really, really helpful. I realized it wasn’t necessarily what was on the syllabus but being able to practice different phases of inquiry were really helpful! I didn’t realize exactly how helpful until this past weekend. I was working through some landscaping issues with my dad and being very conscious of what questions I asked and how I asked them really made a difference for both of us. What is usually a very trying task for us became much more interesting and downright fun!
One of the things I focused on was to ask questions before making judgements or offering my opinion. It was very tempting to just offer an opinion since it’s my yard and my money going into the landscaping. But, my dad is a professional horticulturist. We talked through his suggestions so that I could understand more about WHY he made the suggestion rather than just focusing on the proposed plant, tree, bush, etc. It also made me more conscious about how to respond. Rather than just a “I don’t like that” or “That’s not what I want it to look like”, I could respond with “I see what you are saying about the shade, but I don’t want to clean up any fruit that drops to the ground all summer.”
The best part was that my dad felt a lot better about helping. First, it made our time together more enjoyable. Second, I’m more likely to get his help again in the future!
2 responses so far ↓
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Jennifer Kunc
// Nov 9, 2009 at 11:23 am
So, what Block says is true… we really can use the skills we’ve acquired in consulting to our everyday lives! I really enjoyed reading this post because I can put myself in your shoes. In a personal relationship like this, it’s easy to, well, not be so polite all the time. With our parents, we can tell them exactly what we are thinking/feeling/like/dislike, and it’s much easier than with a formal client. I like how you said you focused on asking questions before making judgements or offering your opinion. By taking this different approach, you learned so much! I think a lot of what we need to do to be better consultants in our personal and professional lives is take a minute and think before we speak. What we learn by doing this is inspirational and a huge eye opener.
Jenn
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Reflections for My Mirror – Dialogue | APTitude
// Nov 9, 2009 at 12:01 pm
[...] Jenn’s comment on my last post seems to still be relevant. It is important to stop and take a moment to explore responses before they come flying out of my head. This is sounds a lot like what I think of as Emotional Intelligence too. What is my stake in the conversation? Am I looking “to win” or to actually learn and grow from the person I am talking to? [...]
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